I had a lot of fun writing this one. Many fan girl flails. And I think it killed my friend.
Heechul was alone in the group’s holding room backstage, sprawled out on the couch. Thought after scrambled thought ran through his mind as he tried to make sense of his feelings.
“How could this happen?” he whispered to himself.
They were close, yes, probably the closest friends in the group aside from Eunhyuk and Donghae, but that didn’t explain why he felt the way he did right now. The look the younger boy had given to him on stage had been too much and he’d been pulled off, knowing very well that the media would grill him for it later.
That’s not what mattered now, though. What mattered was taking hold of what he’d wanted to do on stage: He wanted to kiss him, but found himself unable to do anything about it. All of his previous on-stage kisses had been fan service and meant nothing, but this time was different. There was feeling behind it and he didn’t know what to do about it.
After Hangeng had given him that look, every emotional thing inside Heechul had turned to mush and melted away. He stood on stage, not moving, not singing. He just stood there with a distant, awestruck look on his face until Ryeowook had so kindly pulled him off stage, where Heechul then decided he would go hide in their holding room until he calmed down.
But the concert ended and Heechul still hadn’t pulled himself together. Eventually, he heard voices out side the door. He knew it was the other members wanting to know what happened and why he didn’t come back. If they dared to come in and demand anything from him, he’d bite their heads off one by one.
“No!” he heard Eeteuk’s strong voice as he yelled at the younger members. “I’m going to talk to him, you all are going to find somewhere else to go in the time being. Hangeng, Yesung, make sure they stay well away from the door.”
After a bit of moaning, grumbling, and complaining, the voices died away. A moment later, the door opened and Eeteuk entered, still in his performance attire, covered in sweat. He looked a Heechul before sitting in a chair that was facing the distraught boy.
“So,” Eeteuk began, folding his hands on his lap. “What was that all about?”
Heechul shrugged and turned away, mumbling something along the lines of ‘I don’t have anything to talk about’.
“Don’t give me that,” Eeteuk was trying to be as tough as he possibly could on Heechul, but that only went so far. “You don’t just freeze, get pulled off stage, and not come back for no reason.”
“Apparently I do,” Heechul replied with a slight iciness to his tone.
“Well,” Eeteuk leaned back in his chair, “you can be like that, but we’re not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.”
Heechul remained silent, not looking at the older boy for fear that seeing his face would make him spill everything that was rushing through his head. But Eeteuk was right; he needed to say something. Pent up emotions weren’t good for one’s mental health.
“Can I trust you?” Heechul asked, turning to look at him.
Eeteuk gave him a confused look. “Are you serious? We’ve been friends for years, we’re in the same group, of course you can trust me.”
Heechul sat up and brought his knees to his chest. He didn’t know what to say without it making himself seem like he was weird or crazy, more than normal anyway. He knew he could trust Eeteuk but this was something that wasn’t normal for any of them.
As he waited for Heechul to say something, Eeteuk got up and moved to the spot next to him, putting his arm around his shoulder. He rubbed small circles on the younger boys back as he started to cry, knowing that any form of comfort would help. He knew what was wrong, he knew exactly what had happened the moment it had happened.
“I saw the look Hangeng gave you,” Eeteuk whispered in a sympathetic tone.
“I wanted to-” Heechul burst out, then stopped as tears started flowing down his cheeks.
There was a paused where Heechul let out a few hard sobs before seeming to settle down a bit. Eeteuk was still rubbing his back in a comforting manner, trying his best as a leader to do what he could to help out.
“You wanted to what?” Eeteuk asked when he thought Heechul could speak and be understood again.
“Kiss him,” Heechul whispered before burying his head in his lap.
Eeteuk was so shocked by Heechul’s statement that he didn’t know what to do. Usually, he had an answer for everything but this was too much for him. He froze as more sobs rose from Heechul.
Moments later, there was a soft knock on the door before it opened and Hangeng poked his head in.
“Eeteuk,” he said hesitantly in his soft voice. “Some of the boys are getting a little out of control. We could use some help.”
Eeteuk sighed, got up, and left the room.
Heechul was alone again, or so he thought. He was surprised to see Hangeng still standing in the doorway, staring at the ground with a saddened expression.
“I thought you needed help with the others,” Heechul said.
Hangeng shook his head. “I wanted to talk to you.” He then closed the door and locked it. “Without interruptions.”
Heechul’s eye widened as Hangeng too a seat on the couch next to him. After the look he’d been given earlier, he didn’t know how much more of the younger boy he could take.
“I heard what you said,” Hangeng said quietly.
Heechul’s heart stopped and then he buried his head in his knees and began sobbing. The other boy didn’t say anything else, which made him feel even worse. He didn’t know how Hangeng felt but he knew there was no way he felt the same. It was completely understandable.
After a few moments, Heechul felt an arm slide around his shoulder before being lightly squeezed. Hangeng pulled him closer and Heechul had no choice but to rest his head on his shoulder.
They sat there like that for several minutes before anyone said anything. Hangeng was first.
“Heenim,” he said.
Heechul looked up and met Hangeng’s caring eyes for only a moment before he felt his warm lips press against his own. It took him by surprised but he didn’t pull back and, when Hangeng drew away, he wanted another kiss.
Their foreheads were pressed together now, Hangeng looking lovingly at Heechul who had his eyes closed. Heechul was afraid that if he opened his eyes, everything would vanish and it would be as if nothing had happened.
A smile pulled at Hangeng’s lips as he pulled his hyung into a hug. It was his embrace that reassured Heechul that he was really there.
“Thank you,” Heechul whispered and nuzzled his face into Hangeng’s neck.
Their moment together was interrupted by the jiggling of the door handle followed by a knocking. Heechul smiled, grabbed Hangeng’s hand and went to the door. Opening, he saw Eeteuk with a not-so-happy expression on his face. Upon seeing Heechul and Hangeng, Eeteuk became confused.
“Uh,” he said.
“All is well now,” Heechul said cheerfully before leaving the room and walking down the hall, hand-in-hand with Hangeng.
Eeteuk, on the other hand, was left at the door, wondering what had just happened and not knowing what to make of what he had just seen.